Friday, May 11, 2012

Ok, so I woke up WAY Early this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep! Irritating but oh well. Sometimes it just happens ya know. Well, I was like well, I could put on a Netflix movie or listen to Pandora OR I could go to Youtube and watch some videos. I decided I would listen to some preaching videos, of all things! LOL. I don’t do that very often…don’t know why, just don’t.

Anyway, I br...ought up an old video of TD Jakes preaching at a women’s conference. He was preaching about Abraham and Sarah and how Sarah perceived herself or saw herself. Hmmmm…..needed to hear that. Then I thought let’s see what Lee Stoneking has to say…pulled him up at some conference a long time ago and HE mentioned Abraham and Sarah but then went on to another subject. Finally, I thought about Jeff Arnold and brought up one of him preaching somewhere in Tennessee. Anyway, HE mentioned Abraham and Sarah and how we think about ourselves and how that can affect the outcome of what we are wanting God to do in our lives. Coincidence that all these different preachers spoke about almost the same thing? Probably not. All messages I needed to hear.

Needless to say, I finally drifted off to sleep with Bro. Arnold preaching and woke up later to get ready for my Friday. Now, what was God trying to tell me? LOL! Uh, Kim, why you always worrying about stuff? Why don’t you trust me? Duh! I brought you out, without a doubt, I saved your soul, I made you whole! So STOP worrying about the future. Put it in MY hands cause I already know what’s gonna happen and I GOT YOUR BACK!

For I know what I have planned for you says the Lord.I have plans to prosper you not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope.Jer 29:11

Just some random thoughts I had this morning on the way to work. Just wanted to share. Happy Friday everybody!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Serious Status: I was thinking this morning of how blessed I am. Not sure I’m going to convey what I'm thinking correctly right now but here goes...I was in a bad place financially until 6 months ago when I FINALLY got a full time job...ok, everyone knows that by now...blah, blah, blah...well, if you've never been where I was you cannot relate.
Let me describe how I felt the first weeks of having full time employment after a year or so of looking. Total overwhelming gratitude that I could finally get a 40 hour paycheck, I can finally buy whatever I need and not worry, etc., I felt this way for several weeks after my first paycheck. Typing this out right now is getting me emotional about it again. I'm not sure I have ever said all of this. An overwhelming feeling of gratefulness filled my spirit. I could almost cry every day. I cannot fully explain my emotions but if you’ve been where I was you know what I’m talking about.
Several times I have tried to put into words the way I feel about all this that has transpired in my life the last 2 years but I’m still finding it hard to write it.
I was told a LOT during this time that God will come through, that maybe He wants you to do something else with your life. So I gathered that to mean maybe He doesn’t want me working in corporate America again? Uh, well, I never quite figured that out because hello…I’m back in Corporate America again. Lol. And glad to be here, let me tell ya!
So, during this phase I started looking at working from home jobs, maybe opening a photography business, etc., I thought about all kinds of things but none of them ever firmly “set” in my mind. See, I was raised that you WORK for a living and don’t chase after silly dreams that will never come to pass. It takes a special kind of person to start their own business and see it through to making a living for one, know what I mean? The future looked bleak, indeed….then…you can ask my mom and the rest of my family how stressed I was. They don’t even know the half…what was going on in the inside of me was a horrific battle….wringing of the hands, what am I going to do? Will I ever work again? Where will I be when unemployment runs out? I’m of no use to anyone, not even myself. AND, then another thought…I’m still unmarried; no man wants a woman that doesn’t have a job! I felt like a total failure!
And, to top it off, several people I knew were getting good jobs. I wondered, “Where is MY blessing?” Lord, what is going on? What have I done? Why is this happening to me? I went on like this for several months. I’m sure my Facebook statuses were nothing but negative, negative, negative. I was in a dark place.
Well, to put it bluntly, God has a way of bringing us to Him. This brought me to my knees. I had nowhere else to go. No one could help me. I was in a dark place. I confess, I truly started walking with God during this time. Yes, I was raised on a Pentecostal pew but everything had always come easy to me. I always had a job, always had money, always able to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Therefore, I never really developed an actual relationship with Christ. It wasn’t until this phase of my life that I went to my knees because well, where ya gonna go, right? I realized that I couldn’t do it on my own. I am not an island.
SO, one early morning in prayer I FINALLY let it go and gave it all to Him! I had come to the end of my rope. What happened next is something I will never forget. I believe I actually got drunk in the spirit and could not speak English. This had never happened to me before, not even during a church service. After that morning, peace filled my heart and I just relaxed and knew that God would work it out somehow. A few weeks later, I got a full time job! He answered when I finally let it go and LET Him work it out!
Now, looking back I realize He was building my faith and even now He is continuing to build my faith. I came through that HUGE trial feeling closer to Him than ever in my life.
Today, I just wanted to try and convey my thoughts on what happened during my unemployment, etc, how I felt, how I cried, how I prayed and mostly how I felt frustrated most of the time. THEN GOD…..
I feel like I won a victory. It was during this time that I really learned that God is my Jehovah Jireh. He provided the open door through a very dear friend from church and she helped me get on where I am today. Thank you, Jeannette Thurik! So it was on with my life. The river of blessings was unstopped and they all came rolling in…finally! I breathed a sigh of relief!
Today, I just wanted to try to tell what I felt during that dark time and just let someone know that God IS working it out for your good. You just have to hold on through the storm. That’s my final answer. Just hold on and He will lead you through the storm!
That’s all for now…..Hope I made sense.